Connecting at dating websites

Connecting at dating websites is perhaps the most difficult aspect of online dating. The occasional unanswered message is nothing to worry about, but if you feel that this happens to you a lot, this article might be of use to you. Because we're going to give you some valuable tips that can help you with connecting at dating websites.

The first message

Every dating website has its unique features, but in the end you will mostly use the traditional private message. Nearly every site has such an internal mailing system, and that's not without reason. It's the most direct method of connection with other members.

Out of all the messages that are sent out, the first one is by far the most important. After all, this is the one that has to get the other interested, which can lead to further communication, and finally a date.
So there's a lot at stake with the first message, but unfortunately many daters do not know how to make full use of this opportunity to get the ball rolling.

Send a personal message
Send a personal message

The mistake that many people make, is that they send the same standard opening message to many different people. This approach has little to no effect.
The critical flaw of this method, is that it's very obvious what you are doing to the person who receives your message. As a result, they will often conclude that you have no sincere interest in him or her.

The key to getting noticed in online dating, is writing a personal message, in which you refer to something in the profile of the person you are addressing.
Don't make your message too long, because this could make it look as if you're desperate. Simply be sincere, and write whatever comes to mind at that moment. If you're feeling uninspired, it's better to wait and send the message later.

After all, you only have one shot at making a first impression.

The importance of the profile

If your message sparks the recipient's interest, he or she will always visit your profile page, and after this decide if they are really interested in you or not. Therefore, it's critical to have a complete and attractive profile.

For most people, the pictures are the first thing they look at when visiting someones profile, which means good photos are essential.
Don't use self-portraits ('selfies'), because these will often come across as immature, but also don't arrange a professional photo shoot, as this might make you appear vain. Simply present yourself in a natural manner, although it is of course fine to use your most flattering pictures.

On the other hand, don't put all your trust in your pictures. It's just as important to fill out your profile completely, even though this can be a lot of work at many online dating sites. This will instantly make you stand out above people who haven't spent a lot of time on their profiles.
If you're having a hard time coming up with things to write about yourself, stop to wonder what it is that you look for in other profiles. It's probably the particular characteristics of people that stick after you visit their page, so definitely try to describe yours as well.

Don't confuse a complete profile with sharing your entire life story. The idea is to not share all the details right away. This way, you feed people's curiosity, and they can only still that hunger by connecting with you personally.

And of course, that's exactly what you're after.

You've received an answer: now what?

If your profile sparks enough of an interest with the other, you're likely to receive an answer, after which you start mailing or chatting with one another. The ultimate goal here is to discover whether or not you like each other enough to meet offline for a real date.
So try to get to know the other by asking about their current life situation, and their plans and dreams for the future, to see if there is enough of a match between you two.

Just be careful not to ask too many personal questions, because most people are not so keen on immediately sharing a lot of private information with an online stranger. Unfortunately, there are also some creeps active at dating websites, so you have to make sure that you are not perceived as one. If you push it too far with the private questions, you might scare off the other person.
At the same time, ask yourself which information you are willing to share in this early phase of contact. There is always time for more private topics later on, once a certain level of trust has been established.

In the beginning, it's also not recommended to ask about previous relationships, because this might be a sensitive or even emotional topic for the other person, and bringing things like that up can really kill an otherwise perfectly fine conversation. So try not to steer the talk towards heavier topics, but instead discuss fun and positive subjects, that make both of you feel good.

You want the other to get the feeling that talking and spending time with you is fun, so that going on a date together will feel as a completely natural thing to do, and an obvious next step.

Because let's be honest, that real date is what it's finally all about. How you can go from writing messages online to actually going out on a date with someone, is explained in detail in this article.

A good dating website for connecting
(Click to enlarge)

If you want to connect with people through online dating websites, you'll first need an account at one. is a good en reliable option for pretty much every online dater. has a good internal messaging system and a huge member base, so you'll have a lot of people to try out all your newfound connecting skills on.

Click here to open a free account at »

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